It's not August 26th but it took til today to collect and formulate some sort of thought on what has occured....anger! I'm angry at myself, mostly because I knew better then to place myself in this situation....I saw this coming from the start. When everything inside of you screams don't do it, STOP!!! But I chose not to listen due to my fear of aloneness and now here I am miserable knowing that I stuck by someone for so long who didn't love me at all, in fact majority of the time treated me poorly as a result. The entire relationship is a mystery including him I have no idea who he is what he was always hiding and why....mind you I thought that from the begining, it's interesting to me that I entered this relationship and left with the same exact mysterious feeling toward him. I do wish that it would have ended differently and believe that it ended in this way because of lack of courage either to save or end it much sooner and there is much I'm sure I will never know.....with that being said it's relief to not have to worry any longer and I'm seeing me again. I do feel bad for both acting and projecting myself poorly while in this relationship but it was a projection of the inner battle between my head and heart that raged on almost daily. My final words to whomever reads this is simple: Don't lie about how you feel if you want out and know you don't love someone tell them, otherwise they will resent you incredibly for leading them on and wasting their time....
Listening to: Patsy Cline's Crazy
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