ambivalent

I have no idea how to feel about all of this....sadness has been held at bay regarding what is about to occur, until this past Saturday when people began to ask questions, "are you going with," "are you sad". I cracked; you want to know then ask him because of course I'm sad but I'm sad that nothing was as it could have been. I've been here before and I chose to make sacrifices for someone I felt strongly for and I do not regret any of it. We are constantly making changes in our lives and choose to include those we truly care for so maybe I'm glad. Soon I will know without a shadow of doubt where I stand and how much if at all I mean to you.